Tim Clarke

I’m very excited as this weekend I’m finally getting to indulge a long-held wish to drive some supercars round a racetrack at some serious speeds!

I’ve always wanted to have a go at a track day, being a bit of a petrolhead as you know, but my heavy hints were always ignored by my ex-wife – she was fonder of buying me socks instead. Maybe that’s why she’s now my ex! But my girlfriend picked up on my subtle mention and on my 39th birthday last October there it was, a voucher in a posh presentation tin for a four car experience on a racetrack in Oxfordshire.

So I was thrilled; not only did I get the present I really wanted but it was for four cars not just the usual one or two. I couldn’t believe it in fact, I was rather overcome.

I waited all winter for the weather to improve before I booked in as I was hoping to get a nice warm dry day for my laps. So after waiting impatiently for the winter to pass, I went ahead and rang them up … it’s this Saturday! I really hope the recent crummy May weather holds off on the rain at least for a few hours, fingers crossed. I’ve been trying not to check the forecast every hour.

The cars I get my sticky mitts on are a Porsche 911, a Subaru Impreza, a Lotus Elise and a Ferrari 360. The Porsche and the Lotus are particular favourites of mine; I’ve long hankered over a classic example of either – maybe one day! And I get four laps in each car so it’s a much bigger and longer experience than the usual.

My girlfriend is coming with me to share it and watch, she’s keen too on fast cars and of course I need someone to take photos. The only one slight drawback of the day is that we have to be there really early at 8am, so that will mean getting up at the crack of dawn to drive there in time.

My son has just turned twelve and is in the first year of the local Grammar school – amongst the big kids now.

Since he started, he’s been dipping a toe into some of the many extra-curricular activities that take place in the school or out of school hours. There’s everything from sports clubs to chess clubs, acting groups and music bands and orchestras. He loves football so of course joining in anything to do with that is a no-brainer.

But one thing I never thought he’d be keen on is music and yet he’s decided to learn how to play the drums. So it’s not the classical end of the spectrum he’s leaning towards, more rock and roll and punk. Which I’m secretly quite pleased about as it’s the kind of music I like and it seems he was listening to all the classic tunes I’ve been playing to him over the years!

But the process of learning to play the drums is a long and hard road and I can see he’s going to need consistent help and encouragement from me, as well as an insulated space to practice at home. Drum kits are not the smallest instrument and you need a lot of room… and to keep the neighbours from shooting us all I think his set of cheapish novice drums are better out of the house.

So I’m looking into erecting a garden music studio for him which will be sound-proofed and far enough away from our house, and the neighbour’s houses, not to be a noise nuisance. If I don’t make it easy for him I can’t really expect him to practise. It’s great to see him so motivated to take up a hobby and especially one which I think will enrich his life for years and years and perhaps could even turn into a career for him, or at least be a very enjoyable and social creative hobby.

I’ve made a resolution – well, more of a promise to myself – after waking up with yet another hangover on Friday morning. That’s it. For at least the next ten weeks I will not be drinking alcohol.

I love drinking, which is why I do it quite a lot; and I suppose I would be classified as a binge drinker according to those government guidelines. I certainly don’t drink every day and mostly tend to stay off it during the week. But come the weekend, it’s often a little crazy. And this Thursday evening, to accompany a fine rib eye, the red wine got hammered.

So I’ve just realised how wasteful drinking to this level can be. Not only at the time – whole evenings and entire conversations can pass in a blur – but the tiredness and washed-out feeling you have the next morning. Sometimes it isn’t even really what you could call a hangover, just a worn-out vacancy which is just as effective in preventing you achieving what you should.  I’ve lost the best part of two whole days to the aftermath of a serious session during this past week alone. However way you look at it, this is not good. I don’t want to continue doing this.

I’ve announced my intentions on Facebook and of course the main reaction from my friends was comical disbelief and poking fun. Also, some seem to imply that it’s a bad thing and I will become boring. Some are even almost offended!

I can’t understand this attitude, for surely if someone decides not to get drunk, for whatever reason, it’s their choice? I would never force or cajole an unwilling drinker into having a sup…they might have a very good and personal reason for staying sober. No one would try and persuade a recovering drug addict to inject a little bit more heroin, would they?

Now I’m certainly not saying I’m an alcoholic – but if I choose to stick with diet coke then that’s my decision – and only my decision!

One of the conditions about moving in with me that my girlfriend has laid down – she’s mentioned it once or twice! – is that the house bathroom needs a bit of attention.

I’m sure she’d approve if I decided to go the whole hog and replace the whole suite, but that really isn’t on my agenda.

For a start, the suite itself is fine and in my opinion is doesn’t need replacing. But she is right in that the room as a whole needs some work, as the paint is flaking off the ceiling, the carpet is stained from previous leaks and the taps and grouting are definitely grotty. So it’s a refurbishment rather than a total overhaul, most of which I can do myself over a few days as you know I quite like DIY and all that practical home-owners stuff. Being a man has its advantages at times.

Firstly, I’m going to strip off the old paint and grouting, and then add new. Nothing fancy, just plain white for the ceiling, walls and the grouting round the bath. The suite is white and I like the clean, fresh look in bathrooms so I don’t see a need to change that and go mad with the colour samples.

I can rip up and replace the carpet cheaply too – ideally I’d like tiles in there and electric under floor heating but that cost might be best put off for another time. Tiling takes so long too, it’s not particularly difficult but to do a good job you need a lot of time and patience, neither of which I have to spare at the moment.

I’ll remove the rusty bath taps and add new ones, but quite simple, low cost ones which are in keeping with the traditional Edwardian style of the suite.

Then all that’s left is a new toilet seat and shower curtain, and that’s a job well done. Hopefully!

I’m an unashamed geek, and now that being a geek has suddenly become fashionable I have even been known to boast about it too.

I’ve been on Facebook for years and have lots of friends, but I don’t take it too seriously. It’s fun, but it’s not my life and I enjoy it for what it is – an excellent time-waster and a very lazy way to keep in touch with friends and family. Oh, and a great way to brag about your recent holiday exploits and share what you think are amusing photos that the world just has to witness!

At the moment many of my online friends and acquaintances on the site are desperately fighting against the new ‘time line’ mode that Facebook is introducing. I believe eventually all users will have to change to this set-up. I find their attitude difficult to understand for many reasons, and quite frankly get a bit tired of all the moaning.

Firstly, it is a completely free and voluntary website. There is no charge and it is a user’s individual choice whether or not to sign up and have an account. No one is forcing it on you. To hear the way some people whinge on about it, you’d think it was obligatory. I say the same to them as to those that complain about television programmes… if you don’t like what you see, don’t look at it. Turn it off or close your account and then go and do something more suited to your tastes.

Secondly, change is the nature of anything to do with technology and IT. You can’t stand still or you’ll get left behind. So it’s a very natural occurrence for websites to receive facelifts and programmes and apps to get updates. It is a necessary and good thing. So accept this.

And lastly, the time line set up is actually alright and it only takes two shakes of a geek’s tail to become accustomed to the layout and how things work. It’s not really that much different to the regular organisation; the changes are mainly cosmetic. Once you’ve made the leap and switched over, you won’t even think about it after a couple of days of usage.

So stop moaning and just do it … or get your coat and leave!

Since I made a conscious effort to get back on track (ha ha) with my cycling by entering some events this spring and summer, I have in fact fallen well behind in my planned training schedule.

This has been due to having some very busy times at work meaning I’ve had to work late and at weekends, and the general stress has led to my spare time being used for chilling and drinking rather than pushing the pedals. I’ve also bought a new car – the troublesome but gorgeous Alfa Romeo, which has been consuming my time and energy since I bought her a few weeks back (as I write she’s back in the garage for more investigation into a leak, more on that later). And also, probably more than those two reasons, I’ve recently been having a turbulent time in my relationship with my girlfriend.

We’ve been together a year and a half and it was all going brilliantly until this January. I don’t mind admitting (in the privacy of this blog – tee hee!) that most of the issues we are struggling with are mainly down to me and my cold feet. My girlfriend is a natural risk taker, and open to new adventures. She doesn’t seem to get stressed by much and seems to be able to cope with just about anything, whereas I find I am much more reticent and become anxious over certain issues. We had planned to move in together but of course once I started worrying about the details, those cold feet kicked in and it suddenly didn’t seem like a good idea at all. I have issues around personal space and freedom and I suppose I just feel I don’t want to get trapped in an unhappy but fixed situation similar to what I experienced with my (ex) wife.

So all this tumult has meant I’ve been neglecting my cycling what with not having time or just not being in the right frame of mind. This is a bit worrying but I do intend to rectify it this weekend as I’m determined to get out and put some miles in – I don’t care what the weather does! I have to get back to it soon.

My son has struggled at times in school but only in one subject – English. He’s a very ‘male’ child in that his brain seems to cope admirably with the logistical arts such as maths and science, but the creative side of his brain seems to get left behind with language skills. I can understand this as I recall being similar when I was at school, always finding the hard facts and sensible equations of science preferable to the uncertain and vague skills required for English and history.

So me and my ex-wife have been taking the time to help him find ways of coping with his difficulties and overcoming them, whilst recognising that such subjects or interests are just never going to feature highly on his list of favourites.

Composing essays seems to be a particular tricky assignment for him and we’ve been concentrating on helping him learn and remember the skills needed to do this successfully. Contrary to what some people think – and to what some teachers teach – the writing of an essay can be quite easily turned from a confusing uncertain muddle of thoughts and ideas into a plan. Follow this plan and you will have your completed essay cracked off in no time!

So our essay help is this: think of an opening paragraph to explain what your essay is about, follow that with one paragraph addressing one of the main points of your theory, repeat that four or five times (or more depending on the length required) then wrap it up with a simple summary which tells the reader what your conclusions are.

By breaking it down into a linear thought process and considering only one paragraph at a time, almost like a pathway, my son is able to navigate the demands of essay writing and follow this guide. If he only thinks about composing one paragraph at a time, he soon finds it easier and has a finished essay ready to hand in.

So there are smiles all round, less stress and more time for the Xbox!

The motoring gods at Top Gear claim you’re not a real petrolhead until you’ve owned an Alfa Romeo: a car you buy with you heart and not your head.

So, with this firmly in mind, I set off to Newcastle to view what seemed like a genuine 12 year old Alfa V6. I had spotted the car on the website Pistonheads with gorgeous red leather and shiny silver exterior. At £1,500 it seemed like a proper bargain sports car and I could finally earn my petrolhead badge, and at that reasonable price it didn’t seem like too much of a risk!

On arriving to view the car, it looked in good condition. No rips to the leather and the exterior and only showing a few shopping car park dints. So, with my heart beating, I offered the full asking price for the car which the owner accepted with enthusiasm. The transaction is completed and I set off for the journey home with my new baby!

There is always those nervous first few moments after you’ve purchased a used car (especially privately when there’s no comeback) where you’re listening for any ominous knocks or bangs. But, everything seems in good order for the first few miles. However, it’s no more than 30 miles down the motorway home and I notice the temperate gauge is yo-yoing. More worryingly, it’s starting to spend the majority of it time in the red.

I plough on hoping for the best, but the injector warning lights up and decide it’s time to pull over. On parking up on the hard shoulder I can see coolant pouring from the bottom of the car. So, it’s time to call the recovery people and my first journey with an Alfa ends as expected with a breakdown, to the amused delight of some of my friends.

Is this the way our relationship is going to continue… or will it only become worse?

This summer, in an effort to step my cycling up a gear (no pun intended) I’ve entered a few events. Some are local here in Yorkshire, some are further afield; the Alps in fact!

The local ones are mainly for the social side, or for charity or just for a change from riding out on your own each weekend. They tend to be annual events so you get into the rhythm of taking part in them each year and I like that – seeing friends and cycling buddies you might not see very often.

The exotic foreign one is something I’ve been hankering to do for years as it’s a route taken by the Tour de France and is a beautifully scenic hill route. So not only will it be challenging to me physical, as it’s a severe 50 mile hill climb, but I get a thrill from the gorgeous surroundings and the feeling of being linked to the Tour, which I love.

Knowing that these events are on the horizon means you have to make more of a conscious effort to get out there and do more. Sometimes can be far too easy to put off long rides, as lets be honest, they do require a commitment both in terms of energy and time.

If you’re planning 60 – 70 miler the next day, you can’t go out on the lash the evening before – an early night is the only option. A good distance like that will take four or five hours at least, then you need to clean your bike and wash yourself and your gear when you finally reach home… and you can write off the remainder of the day as you’ve feel like a washed out rag and no doubt will be longing for your bed before too long.

The trip to France has taken a little more organising as I’ve had to book my bike on a flight and sort out a protective flight case for it. I was going to buy one but I found a company online from which you can rent one. This is a great idea as I’m not going to be doing overseas trips with my bike very often so it works out much cheaper to rent rather than purchase.

I find myself a little excited today as I have a date for tomorrow night and I can’t remember the last time that happened! It’s a friend of a friend of a friend and I have no real clue what she’s like apart from a few snaps I have seen. But I’ve taken advice from friends who are more clued up on the dating scene than me – as they use online dating sites and seem to have a decent strike rate.

But it got me thinking, even for people who are totally confident and used to blind dates, it must still be quite a nerve-wrecking and somewhat awkward meeting all the same.

It strikes me that the whole blind date process is like playing roulette. You can learn so much about a person on paper or from hearsay and look at millions of pictures and Facebook pages but you never really know whether there’s going to be any spark until you clap eyes on someone on the flesh and take some time to converse with them.

There are so many slightly worrying thoughts that run thought your mind in advance. What if I just don’t like the look of them when we meet?  What if they have terrible teeth or an irritating squeaky voice, or bad breath that makes your eyes water? Some people may say this is a shallow point of view and if you really want to find lasting love you should look past the purely physical and search for deeper connections, as physical love peters out eventually.

I’m not totally sure I subscribe to this thinking, as to me, the physical attraction is an important part of the bond that brings people together and keeps them together. If you think ‘Hmmmm….’ when you see your chosen one rather than ‘Yummmm!’ then I would consider that a bit of a problem. Perhaps that means I’m not yet desperate enough to consider just anyone!